19 Mar 2025: What If

I’m always thinking, “What if?” Going down rabbit holes like, “What if my friends grow to hate me? What if my potential (whatever that is) is unrealized in the end? What if she’s falling out of love? What if I’m a bad person?” My fears probably make me look silly. But you probably have your own fears too, maybe some of the same ones. It’s a terrifying world where your own mind frightens you with phantasmagoria.

Your internal monologue spirals; your mind is pulled into a whirlpool. As long as the what-if holds you, you live in a situation that’s completely out of your control. Control is a thing taken for granted in the day-to-day. It offers a guarantee. “This can last,” it murmurs, stroking your hair, “This won’t hurt.” But we obviously can’t control everything. Very little is actually under our control at all. These things we can’t control are where the what-if comes from.

We see our world could turn upside-down at any moment. Because we know how precarious life can be. Maybe we’ve had it fall apart before. If so, I’m very sorry. I’ve seen my life fall apart too. But, we shouldn’t live in fear because of that. Our lives are too short and too precious to worry about whatever pain may come next.

If some situation comes, even then you don’t need to worry. There is nothing to do but accept it and do your best. You never do yourself any good by worrying about what might happen. You already lack control, relinquish your attachment! And even now I protest: “But, what if something terrible happens!” Silly dragon. Then, I’ll be affected! Then, and no sooner!

“What if something terrible happens,” pah. I might as well ask myself: “What if trees were made of seashells?” Then I could think of the marvelous sound they would make when the wind blows through; like if the sea could sing…