06 Mar 2025: Candy Hearts

I’m eating candy hearts and thinking about love with multiple partners. It’s hard; You’ve got to be honest, sensitive, accepting, vulnerable, and self-assured for it to work. (Things you need to make monogamous love work too.) Either that or you’ve got to make an attempt at those qualities as best you can.

Why bother loving this way? Some would say because they want to date multiple partners. I think this is the wrong reason. Really the benefit should be for the people you are with: The benefit is letting your partners live their fullest life.

I’ve struggled with this recently. I get jealous, and I doubt. See, I really struggle with feeling self-assured. I worry about being replaced; I worry about becoming less important to those I love. How do you just become okay with this?

One thing to keep in mind is you will deal with these feelings regardless. Even when you are monogamous, your partner can become dissatisfied or disinterested. Another thing, and perhaps more to the point, is that your partner doesn’t exist just for your satisfaction. She’s a whole other person with her own struggles — her own rich internal life. (Maybe even some of the struggles you have right now.) She very well may stop loving you; She very well may “replace you” (more on that later) at some point down the line.

So what do you do? Give in to despair? No. You have to love her more. Love her so much that you would let her do those things and rejoice in it. Forget yourself in love for her. And, crucially, love her enough that you trust her completely. This means when she says not to worry, you cease worrying! Maybe easier said than done, but that’s what this calls for.

Now, on that “replacement” business: I just don’t think it’s possible. It goes without saying, but: Everyone is unique. I’ll add that every relationship is unique. You can’t get the same thing. Never again. All the more reason to love completely.

These candy hearts are sweet but they aren’t very honest. They say nice things on them, but are ultimately just consumed — used. I wouldn’t wish love like that on anyone. The ways our hearts touch each other leave us forever changed. May you be changed.